Don't make me open up a can of Food Network on your ass

For the past few weeks I've been eating two eggs for breakfast with the goal of getting more protein into my diet.  Two eggs a day is part of the Bradley Method recommendations for nutrition during pregnancy - and since I enjoy eggs I figured, what the hell, why not?

I primarily eat them fried, but for some reason ever since I've been pregnant I have not been able to muster up the perfect over-medium fried egg that I generally take so much pride in.  I either break the yolk or I over cook it.  So, I've been working on my timing - and on my egg flipping as a way of avoiding yolk breakage.

This morning I thought I'd try to flip the eggs with a quick jolt of the pan, the way they do it on the cooking shows on Food Network.  You know what I am talking about.  If not, click here for a link to a video and brief tutorial.  Let me be clear and say that this video suggests that you practice with bread first.  I neither a) watched the video or read any sort of tutorial prior to trying this at home, nor b) practiced with anything before going for broke (no pun intended) with my two beautiful eggs this morning.

So, I picked up the pan and jiggled the eggs.  They were cooked on one side to perfection, and as I jiggled the pan, they slid beautifully across the base of the pan, slipping up and down the sides in sync with my movements.  I thought to myself - Here's my moment, I can do the flip!!!  So, I went for it.

The egg flipped, and landed in the pan!!!  Well, one of them did, at least.  The other egg was all over the kitchen floor.  And the stovetop.  And the bottom of the pan.  And the front of the oven.  Literally, there was egg yolk dripping down the door and all over the knobs.  Miraculously, I did not end up with a stitch of egg on myself.  I even waddled over to the mirror to make sure there wasn't any yolk hiding under my belly, where I couldn't see just by looking down.

I wish I'd had my camera handy to take a picture of the whole debacle, but my camera battery was dead!!

This makes me think that it isn't quite the right time to start my own cooking show:  Cooking with Tracy K.  Alas, at least I got a good laugh and a blog post out of it, right?